Written by Sarah Elizabeth

Almost a year ago, back in February, I wasn’t in a great place. My relationship of 4.5 years had just ended and the relationship I had with myself was not helping me get through this breakup. I thought so little of myself and what I was capable of doing on my own. The end of that relationship felt like a complete failure. While I was in that relationship, I was okay with not having everything else I wanted in life because at least I had a relationship with someone I cared about. After it ended, I had no idea what my journey would look like alone or what I even wanted anymore.

With no direction or projected trajectory for my future, I attempted to throw myself into work. It was one of the only ways I could think to cope. I reached out to Mary to see if we could collaborate in any way in hopes to gain more experience as an influencer and build a portfolio of blogging partnerships. That’s when I learned about the Broken and Beloved Project.

What is the Broken and Beloved Project?

When I met with Mary to discuss a partnership, she shared about this project she was working on to combine portrait therapy and the study of boundaries. When she started to tell me about the Broken and Beloved Project and explain how this would impact women and help them change the ways they viewed themselves I started crying. As the tears fell, I felt mortified. I couldn’t believe I was crying in the middle of a meeting(I just kept thinking: how unprofessional!) and in front of two people I barely knew.

When I started crying, I couldn’t tell if these were post-breakup tears or if I was emotional because I was hearing her describe exactly how I felt about myself. Mary comforted me and gently asked about my fresh relationship wounds. I shared that I didn’t really see it coming or maybe I just ignored the signs and stayed fully committed to a sinking ship.

Mary proceeded to share more information about the program and we ended our meeting with plans to meet again. With the information she shared, I needed some time to think about what kind of collaboration we could do together. When we met again Mary asked if I was interested in participating in the program and sharing a first-hand account of my experience with the project. Graciously, I said yes.

What part of the project made me hesitant to join?

I had considered participating in the project as a possibility prior to our meeting but I was nervous about the portrait therapy: the boudoir shoot specifically. Before I got to know Mary I was nervous and uncomfortable with the thought of having such intimate photos of myself taken by a stranger. I was also worried about what my mom or my family would think of me if they knew I had a photoshoot like this.

In the midst of this internal dilemma, I reluctantly said I would participate. I could see the value of the boundaries study, monthly yoga classes, and the community of women on a similar journey as mine. Even though I agreed to participate, the thought was still in the back of my mind that I could always bail on the project and back out of the boudoir session if I absolutely had to. I think the biggest selling point of the project was that if I said yes, I was committing to a full year of focusing on healing and taking care of myself. It also helped that I wouldn’t be on that journey alone.

How I felt during the project

As time went on, I started to participate in yoga sessions, get to know some of the other participants and began my journey of learning about setting healthy boundaries. In the beginning, I was going through the motions and joining the sessions but I wasn’t doing all that much inner reflection. But as I started to trust the women around me and felt what it was like to have unwavering support, I opened up to a few women I’m lucky to call friends. They were there for me when I was struggling with things and they would reach out to check in on me. When I felt like I was in a safe space I was really able to process things and evaluate my relationships and my boundaries.

After a lot of thinking and processing my feelings, I gradually began to take action on some of the areas in my life I struggled with boundaries. I started to enforce better boundaries at work, with friends, and with some family members. As I took these steps I started noticing a shift in how I thought of myself. I wasn’t an afterthought or someone who would always be there for people who didn’t respect my boundaries.

If you want to read more about setting boundaries, check out the blog I wrote on my website, Creative and Ambitious, titled: Here's why you need to set some healthy boundaries.

My advice for someone joining the Broken and Beloved Project

My greatest advice for someone joining this project is to fully invest in the process. That was something I really struggled with in the beginning. If I really would’ve gone into the process with an open mind and heart I think I would’ve seen positive results in my life a lot sooner than I did.

If you’re afraid of doing it because you are hesitant to do the boudoir shoot or are worried about what people will think of you, don’t let fear stop you from doing this for yourself. In the first photo shoot, you will have headshots taken and this will help you prepare for the boudoir shoot. The headshot session was my first time ever getting professional photos of myself. I was nervous but that experience really helped me to get to know Mary better and what the experience would feel like.

Photo from Sarah’s headshot session by Mary Breuer Photos

Leading up to the boudoir shoot I was still nervous but by the time came I was more excited than nervous. I was doing this for me and for no one else! If I didn’t like the photos or didn’t want to share them I didn’t have to. Knowing that was comforting to me.

What I got out of the project

Investing in this process and in myself helped me to regain my confidence. I speak more kindly to myself and I’m less afraid of doing things that make me uncomfortable. It helped me to mend my broken heart and has taught me how to trust other people again.

In the group of women, I was one of the two youngest members of the cohort. The ages of participants ranged from 24 to over 50. Many of the women were in different stages of their life. Some were married, some divorced, some with children, and some with grandchildren. The range of personal experiences these women were reflecting on and shared helped to make the project applicable to participants at any stage of their life.

One of the comments I received a few times from group members was that they wished they had done this project when they were younger. They kept telling me how much this would help me as I get to those other stages of life. Overall I really enjoyed how I was able to get to know and connect with women who I otherwise would have never met.

Celebrating together

When I started the project I was a mess. I was self-conscious and feeling broken after my life had changed quite drastically. Today, with a community of women around me, I feel celebrated. I was reminded of what relationships should feel like and how to choose myself. I focused on healing and loving myself and now I find myself surrounded by love. I have people who want to celebrate my wins no matter how big or small they may seem. This project has positively changed me for the better and I think it could help you too.

If you are looking to learn more about the project and are interested in being a participant, find more details here: https://marybreuerphotos.com/thebrokenandbelovedproject

How I went from Self Conscious to Celebrated with the Broken and Beloved Project